“Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.”
-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 64
Is it possible to get stuck on Step 3? Yes, if we don’t really want to move on to Step 4. The Big Book is clear that we have to be willing to start our housecleaning “at once” following our 3rd Step decision.
What is the Third Step decision? It is the decision to proceed with the rest of the program—the rest of the steps. Once a newcomer has hit her knees and said the prayer, it is vital that she begin her inventory right away. I usually give a sponsee each inventory separately. So, after the Third Step prayer, she is given her resentment inventory instructions, and she has one week to get it done. Then the same for the fear inventory and the sex conduct inventory.
Most newcomers I have met are terrified to complete their inventory. Many either stop calling, stop doing step work with me, or drink instead of having to do this work. They come in and out of the program doing the 1-2-3-Drink! dance. This is why I refuse to start over again with the steps for a sponsee who has relapsed. Usually she is just trying to avoid doing the inventory—and the inventory is what will save her, not redoing what she is already comfortable with.
Today’s Prayer
God, I am called to be a sponsor—to guide women whose way of living just doesn’t work. Give me the humility to set boundaries with step work.
The above is the August 12 reading from my collection of daily readings for people in AA and Al-Anon, With Gratitude. Thank you to all of you who support my writing and who live the Twelve Steps of the program on a daily basis, especially to those of you who sponsor others.