December 8 Cause
“A man always has two reasons for what he does—a good one and a real one.”
-J. Pierpont Morgan
There are three C’s in Al-Anon: I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. The “it” is of course referring to another person’s alcoholism.
I didn’t cause my alcoholic loved one’s drinking, but before I entered Al-Anon, I thought I must be doing something wrong to make this person keep picking up a drink—not able to make it in AA. I have always been deeply affected by others’ drinking, and I have come to accept that I have an extreme reaction to an alcoholic who drinks. I go into a lot of fear and try everything I can to manage and control the situation. It never works.
Now that I have learned that I cannot cause another’s drinking, I am less likely to accept the charges against me—that it’s somehow my fault when someone I care about drinks again. And that is the reason for the first “C.” Alcoholics tell us that we are the reason they drink. It’s our nagging, our controlling, our inability to be happy, our excesses of anger and rage—that is the reason the drinker drinks, according to the alcoholic.
The truth is that the alcoholic does not know why he or she drinks any more than we do. They are trapped in the throes of an obsession of the mind followed by a physical craving for more. The alcoholic actually drinks because of a compulsion beyond their control. We are not responsible.
Today’s Prayer
God, keep me in your presence. When harsh words and accusations come my way from the alcoholic, I will hold on to the truth. I did not cause this person’s drinking.
Good morning and welcome to another week God has granted us! I pray that the holiday season is finding you sober and sane. I decided to publish another triplicate from my book of daily readings, With Gratitude. The three C’s was the first tool I learned in Al-Anon when I joined in 2007. Enjoy!