“But miserable most, to love unloved? This you should pity rather than despise.”
-William Shakespeare
When I was a little over a year sober, a loved one’s drinking started deeply affecting me. I couldn’t focus and felt miserable most of the time. Through my work, there was an Employee Assistance Program. I decided to access these resources and went to see a therapist.
I didn’t want to leave my loved one alone, because they were staying with me at my home and I didn’t trust them. I was worried that drinking and using drugs was going to happen while I was not at home. I took this person with me to the therapist, and they waited patiently in the waiting room.
As I explained this to the therapist, that my loved one was with me, that I couldn’t leave them alone in case they drank again, the therapist listened patiently and compassionately. And then she very clearly explained to me that I had a problem with codependency. I was immediately offended that she would say such a thing. Didn’t she know that I worked a strong AA program, after all? I left and never returned to this therapist.
About 6 months later, after joining Al-Anon, I learned that I was codependent. Of course I was! I had absolutely no idea what I was doing in my relationship with an alcoholic loved one until I really dove into my second program, the program that saved my sanity. In Al-Anon, we really don’t use the term “codependent,” even though the word no longer offends me. Today I understand my complete powerlessness over another person’s alcoholism.
Today’s Prayer
God, sometimes I am so sensitive when others point out things that are going wrong in my life. Help me stay openminded. Maybe another person’s suggestion can help uncover the truth about how I am living today.