“As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.”
-Alcoholics Anonymous p.47
I had a conception of God when I got sober. However, my conception of that God did not stop me from drinking. It was confusing for me those first four months of sobriety, until my sponsor had me do some writing on “Ch. 4: We Agnostics”.
Having a conception of a God that is not working in my life can be just as confusing to a newcomer as having no conception at all. Bill W. actually addresses this in “Step Two” of Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I finally figured out that I had a God in my life, but I was completely relying on myself. I had belief but no faith. AA gave me the faith.
I was able to set aside my conception of God in those early months. I actually stopped sharing about God in meetings at all because I was so focused on learning about my alcoholism. It was such a relief that I finally had an answer to why my life stayed so unmanageable, even when I was going to church and reading religious texts. I didn’t need to worry, however, because God returned to my life in a big way with Step 2.
Today’s Prayer
God, I believed in you, and yet I still kept drinking. This has confused me, God. Help me see that it is my reliance on myself that has blocked me from receiving help from you. I can now believe in you and have faith that you will take care of all of my needs.