Courage to Change
My responsibilities to my own recovery
“It is up to me to take my recovery seriously, to work on my attitudes, to take care of my mind, body, and spirit, to make amends when I have done harm—in short, to change the things I can.”
-Courage to Change October 10
I have a unique relationship with the Serenity Prayer. When times were the hardest with the alcoholic’s drinking and using, my sponsor always suggested that I pray the Serenity Prayer. It really helped. And it still helps. Actually, my current sponsor suggested last week that I pray just the first part of the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity… She gave me a new perspective on my favorite prayer. I am not asking God to please grant me. No—in fact I am telling God to do this for me. I don’t have to beg or plead for God to help me—he just does. That is our relationship: I need the help and he provides it. I really liked that.
Ever since those early days of Al-Anon and the suggestion from my first sponsor, I developed a habit of always praying the Serenity Prayer whenever I see it mentioned in print. For example, today’s reading from Courage to Change mentioned the Serenity Prayer twice, so each time I stopped what I was reading and prayed the prayer. I have been practicing this for years, and it somehow always keeps the Serenity Prayer at the front of my mind.
Today’s focus from my favorite daily reader, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II, is on the second petition of this short prayer. While last week I focused on God granting me the serenity, this week I have been called to accept the things I cannot change. Now, the number of things I absolutely cannot change is significant. It is most things. It is all people, excepting myself, and many, many circumstances over which I hold no personal power. In total, the things I cannot change is about 99%. This is a hard reality to accept.
Now, understand that I cannot really change myself if I am blocked. And blocked is usually where we are unless we have worked all Twelve Steps with a sponsor. This may be hard to hear, but I have found it to be true in my many years of experience in both Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous. If I cannot understand the attitudes and beliefs that drive me to do the things I do by doing a written inventory and sharing it with a sponsor in Steps Four and Five, then I have not the power to change. Similarly, if I haven’t leveled my pride and made those amends to the many people I have harmed, or have not even made an attempt to pay back the money I have basically stolen, I lack the humility to really see myself for the person I have become in my selfishness and self-centeredness. Living on self-will for so many years became my norm. It became familiar—and comfortable. I am not saying it made me happy, because the truth was that I was miserable. But it was all I knew.
However, with the power of the Twelve Steps in my life, I do have the power to change. God grants me that power—it all comes from my Higher Power. I have the power to journal when I am having crappy feelings that try to overwhelm my senses. I have the power to dial in to a Zoom meeting and join the wonderful fellowship as we share our experience, strength, and hope. I have the power to listen to AA and Al-Anon speakers on podcasts as I am driving to work in the early morning. I have the power to pick up the phone and call my sponsor or trusted friends in the program. And I have the power to keep praying and directly asking for God’s help. This is changing the things I can.
I can also learn more about the disease of alcoholism and how alcoholic behaviors often catch me by surprise, even after many years in the program. I can be willing to admit this and to humble myself to this cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.
Staying in misery is a choice. We have chosen recovery and have a way out. The HOW will get us there: Honesty (self-honesty that is), Open-mindedness, and Willingness are the key. I am grateful for the HOW in my life today.
Last weekend I moderated a quiz bowl tournament. I read questions to high school players for about 8 hours straight. It was a tiring day and at one point I really felt like I wasn’t going to make it through. And then, just like that, there was a question about the Serenity Prayer. I read through the rest of the questions in that set and then we had a pause in play. I took this pause and prayed the Serenity Prayer. And God and I got through another day together.