“From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment. I talked to him for some time, but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a stranger, and so he left me. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol.”
-Alcoholics Anonymous (“The Doctor’s Opinion”)
What does an entire psychic change look like? What is a complete overhaul of one’s personality? In my experience, the psychic change happens with a series of small miracles that occur once we get sober and make a decision to stay and work the program.
The great news is that these miracles continue as long as I stay year after year and continue to work the Twelve Steps of A.A. I was lucky enough to experience one of these miracles with yesterday’s mail, which was from the Secretary of State’s office and had to do with my driver’s license.
The past nine months has been interesting when it comes to this subject, which is actually quite a big issue with most newer members of A.A. So many alcoholics have problems with the consequences of driving drunk. I, as a sponsor, a friend, and a girlfriend, got to witness the consequences and the miracles that came for those who had been fighting a DUI. As I have had no personal experience with a DUI (which is nothing but a “yet” for me), these experiences were very meaningful and added even more to my sponsorship and my ability to have compassion for alcoholics.
The consequences of these DUI’s included conditional and revoked licenses, lots of DUI classes on Zoom, court appearances, plea deals, lawyers, hard emotions and fear over just what would happen next, and finally relief and joy when the whole thing was resolved in their favor. I don’t think the outside world quite understands what we go through as alcoholics. It is a hard and devastating way of life. While the devastation leaves when we get sober, it is still a very hard road. And so every little win is such a miracle.
For me, as the observer, I am so grateful that I have stayed and witnessed all of these miracles. I am especially grateful for the people I have been the closest to for the past year that have struggled with their own licenses and ability to drive unencumbered. I have always enjoyed and considered it a great responsibility to pick up women for meetings and to offer a ride home. I always have someone in my car. I am always arriving at her house and sitting in the driveway waiting, either 10 seconds or 10 minutes. I am always searching for street signs in the winter darkness, making wrong turns here and there. I am always reminding myself that I need to leave a little early so I can pick her up.
I have been this way since the beginning of sobriety. I was told that if I had a license and a car, my job was to pick up someone for the meeting who did not. I took this suggestion seriously. And I still do.
So, back to my miracle from yesterday. I received a letter in the mail that I am eligible to renew my driver’s license online this year. I don’t know why, but I feel like the luckiest girl in the world that I get to do this. Alcoholics Anonymous has given me this incredible life—a life I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. Once again my experience in working and being in close relationships with others in the program has changed my perspective on something I used to take for granted.
That is way more of a gift than getting that letter in the mail. 100%.
Thank you, God.