Fear Spot-Check Inventory

We reviewed our fears thoroughly

“Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.”

-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 67-68

Fear is real. It is described in the Big Book as a “corroding thread” (p. 67). Corroding is defined as destructive, deteriorating, and consuming. And, as someone who uses a sewing machine, I can tell you that a single spool of thread can be used for an entire project. I once sewed a large blanket and used one thread for the whole thing. My fears are a destructive and consuming vision that goes in a straight line miles to my own personal hell.

I traveled recently over the holidays to see my friend and her daughter in Ohio. From Chicago this is about a seven hour drive. I downloaded a step study from Katie and Charlie P. from 2019 on the Mad Dog Recovery podcast. I love listening to really intensive step studies when I am in the car. While I have heard Katie speak on tape many times and even knew her from a sponsorship workshop I attended at just a couple of years sober, I had never heard Charlie. The entire series of sessions is very powerful, and I highly recommend it to all Big Book enthusiasts and recovery seekers.

What blew my mind was Katie’s fear spot-check inventory. I am pretty sure she did it as part of Step Ten (I could be wrong about this). She has her sponsees write up a four-column fear inventory when fear crops up. I got home and did my own spot-check fear inventory for the next two days in a row. I had a sponsee going through her own personal hell at work, and I had her do the same when we met. Here is how it’s done:

Column 1: The fear and what is causing it (what I think is going on)

Column 2: The truth (what is actually going on)

Column 3: Where self shows up (how I have tried to manage and control the fear on self-will)

Column 4: What God’s will is for me in this situation

As with all inventory, we “put them on paper”. I will give you an example of one that I did. I was having very strange pain in my inner left knee. I swear the pain came out of nowhere and lasted the entire day of Jan. 1. As I have a pretty bad varicose vein on that leg, I was terrified that it could be something more. On Jan. 2, I wrote it out in my journal:

Column 1: I was afraid that I would get a blood clot in my leg that would travel to my brain that would cause an aneurysm and I would die.

Column 2: The truth is that I have been having a lot more aches and pains since I have gotten older. I often have knee, leg, and foot pain. Yes, this was a “new” pain, but not that out of the ordinary.

Column 3: My self-will was out of control. I googled everything from “varicose veins” to “blood clots” to convince myself that I was going to die. I envisioned myself calling an ambulance or calling a nurse line. I chastised myself for doing nothing.

Column 4: God wanted me to BE STILL and do nothing but pray and let go.

When my sponsee was sitting across from me doing her own fear spot-check, I decided to share my own insanity with her. This is the great thing about sponsorship. The mutual sharing of our fears is powerful. She no longer felt she was alone in her fear. I am happy to report that we are both doing just fine and that God has taken care of everything as usual.