Fully conceding to my innermost self

Step One- I am a real alcoholic

“We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.”

-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 30 (Step One)

For a quick review of Step One, take a look at the first three paragraphs of Chapter 3: “More About Alcoholism” found on page 30 of all 3rd and 4th edition Big Books. I just re-read this page this morning and it was eye-opening. I am convinced when I read it just how powerless I am over alcohol. And this is my first step in recovery.

What a relief to know what my problem is. Unlike moderate or hard drinkers, when alcohol is removed from my life, the problems actually begin. You see, alcohol was my solution, not my problem. It was my medicine to relieve me of the bondage of self. I could not get me off me, and alcohol was a short-term solution that gave me relief—until it didn’t.

In my first 60 days of sobriety, I went to a lot of meetings. I also crashed my car, failed to pay my rent on time, ignored my mail—which was bad, because there was a traffic ticket that almost turned into a warrant—I didn’t sleep, and I felt miserable. Now, when hard drinkers stop drinking, they don’t have these problems. Their lives actually get better. Hard drinkers do not understand us. They don’t understand why our willpower alone can’t make us better. Some of them do come into AA. They do no steps, don’t really use a sponsor, go to one meeting a week, and life gets better.

Like I said, I am a real alcoholic as it is defined in “More About Alcoholism.” When I turned 30 days sober, my head wouldn’t shut up. I felt emotionally whacked. I could barely function. And let me tell you, 30-90 days was much worse than Days 1-29. I literally held on for dear life during this time. I had an extensive phone list and a sponsor (but I did no step work). I had no real understanding of the physical allergy or the mental obsession that was my disease. But I stayed long enough and fought hard enough to gain all of this. But it took months and years—not days.

My sponsor always reminds me that relief comes in working the steps. I really love this. Thus, I begin a journey through my stack of revisiting Steps 1-9. I have worked these steps over and over with sponsees. And I have written Fourth Step Inventories twice in the past three years. I also attend Big Book study meetings twice a week for the past several years. In these meetings we explore the Doctor’s Opinion-Page 164. But taking a look at each step again through my own experience and actually writing it down here is powerful.

I want to have a current experience of Steps 1-9. I can’t ride on an experience with these steps from years ago.

Step One is found in the Big Book of Alcoholics in the Doctor’s Opinion, Bill’s Story, There is a Solution, and More about Alcoholism. Key components of taking a sponsee through Step One include:

-Qualifying them as alcoholics. I learned this from Charlie and Katie Parker. Questions like “When I am drinking, do my problems pile up and become and astonishingly difficult to solve?”. “Do I believe I can never safely use alcohol in any form?”, and “Have I lost self-confidence?” are just a few of the powerful qualification questions in these pages. Remember, these rooms are for real alcoholics. Qualify them.

-Really explaining the physical allergy of the body and the mental obsession of the mind from “The Doctor’s Opinion.” You would not believe how many newcomers do not understand most of the triple-nature of the disease. They see their losses (spiritual bankruptcy), but don’t understand at all how they got there. The problem is the first drink. When I take the first drink, I ignite the physical allergy. I can no longer predict how much I will drink or what my actions will be. However, when I am physically sober, the mental obsession begins. Without a strong program, this mental obsession will always convince me that a drink is a good idea.

-Taking them through the examples given in Chapter Three of what will lead them to a relapse: The Man of Thirty, Jim, Fred, and the Jaywalker.

I welcome other suggestions on what has worked in your sponsorship in going through Step One.