God is still God in my uncomfortability

Maybe God would help me--just maybe

“Suddenly in this maelstrom I grasped a straw. Maybe God would help me—just maybe, mind you. I was willing to give Him a chance, but with considerable doubt. I got down on my knees—something I hadn’t done in thirty years. I asked Him if He would let me hand over all these fears and panic to Him.”

-”The Fearful One” (Alcoholics Anonymous 1st edition, p. 335)

My life is constantly in a state of flux. My health changes. My circumstances change. But God does not change. He is the constant in the insanity. And he is there to help me. His presence surrounds me and protects me—whether I feel it or not. I got this assurance at the end of Step Two, when I first came to believe.

Faith is a muscle to be strengthened by constant exercise. Constant practice. The first time I cried out for help, I was drunk and sitting on dirty carpeting. It was 3am. I could no longer sleep. I cried out to God to help me. And he gave me Alcoholics Anonymous. Now I pray on my knees as part of my morning and nightly prayers. One of the guys I met at my first AA convention suggested it to me. And I have been doing this since I was five months sober. And I am no longer embarrassed by it. I no longer have to go into the bathroom and shut the door so no one sees me.

By this daily practice of prayer, God in my life turned from a timid belief to an active faith. I learned how to trust and rely on this God in every circumstance, regardless of how I was feeling. I know God will not let me down. I look at my history in sobriety and how much this Higher Power has saved me, again and again.

Today I can live at much more peace in my uncomfortability. Practicing my daily Step Eleven has been an invaluable tool. The maelstroms of life no longer drown me.