“Someone is coming soon who is greater than I am—so much greater that I am not even worthy to stoop down like a slave and untie the straps of his sandals. “
-Mark 1:7
How many times in my disease did I play God? Running around like I had all of the answers as if I could do it all on my own. My own alcoholism as well as the effects of another person’s drinking had to bring me crashing down to reality that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was not successful at being a Higher Power.
I had to have help. Only in my complete state of helplessness could I possibly accept aid. First it was the wisdom of the AA and later Al-Anon groups. Then, as I did step work, I began to realize my own insanity and to be able to trust a power outside of myself.
Are there times when I still go back to trying to play God? Yes. But these times are very short-lived. I get in a lot of pain trying to figure out everything on my own and come to a quick realization that I need help. Then I pray and ask God for his help and give up trying to help myself. God then gives me the tools I need—the power to do his will.
Today’s Prayer
God, I am at the end of myself and have run out of ideas of how to run my life. Please, God, be there for me. I give up. I am going to trust in you. You will give me everything I need.