Happy 90 Years Sober, Alcoholics Anonymous

One alcoholic still helping another in the same way--nine decades running

“Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.”

-Alcoholics Anonymous (Foreward to the Third Edition)

Something quite miraculous happened this week. An AA woman I used to be really close to came back into my life. She had been out of the program and drinking for a few years, and none of us ever thought she would make it back. She would come back for a day and then disappear again. I was part of her line of sponsorship and one of her closest friends, so this was particularly hard to watch happen, considering she had quite a few years sober when she went out.

At the same time, the situationship with an alcoholic I have loved now for almost a year came back up. Whenever this happens, I get very confused and blinded by his alcoholism. I lose sleep, my stomach hurts—all of the normal Alanonic symptoms for me. This has become a very unbalanced and unhealthy situation. I have been working my Al-Anon Steps with a sponsor for the first time, and she matter-of-factly told me that this may be something that crops up for me again and again. I felt at least a little better hearing that from her, but I didn’t expect it would crop up again five days later when he showed up at my home group.

I am off work for the summer and have plenty of time to think and feel feelings. Thank God for AA. At least with my meetings and all of the women I sponsor I have a chance of making it through this crazy and sometimes very painful time. Unfortunately, or fortunately, my sponsorship plate has remained very full. My loved one actually stated last week that there were “too many to count—I can’t keep track of all of them.” Well, with some basic organization, I do keep track of my ladies and where they are in the Steps. As of yesterday, I had four in the work. But then I got a phone call and one let me go. With four in maintenance (having been through the Twelve Steps), that brings my number to seven instead of nine and ten, which it had been for over a year. I am getting better at letting women go who do not want to go through the Steps with me.

One of these sponsees is the woman who returned to AA. She reached out to me by text after I had posted a spiritual meme on Facebook early in the morning. I don’t normally do this anymore, so it was quite a coincidence that I had made the meme and posted it that very morning. She always knew that I too was an early riser. She told me she needed to come back to meetings. But I have heard that before. I did agree to pick her up for the meeting the next day, but I also told her I could drive her to the noon meeting she wanted to go to that day. She said no, that she needed to do this on her own, so I let it go.

I was out playing pickleball later when she actually called me. She asked if I would drive her to her first meeting back. It was absolutely my pleasure. I played a little more and then went home to get ready to practice my primary purpose: to stay sober and to help another alcoholic achieve sobriety. You see, I can never do this for my alcoholic loved ones, particularly a person I am in love with. I am simply too close to this person. He thinks of me differently than just an AA. Although he has always loved and admired my program, he will not receive its benefits just from knowing me.

Al-Anon’s Fifth Tradition is a good guide for me:

Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.

The only help I can really give the alcoholic—dry or drinking—is encouragement and understanding. By taking the Steps with a sponsor, I am increasing my overall understanding of the disease of alcoholism in a person I am very close to. I realize that I am powerless over this person’s disease and that my life has become unmanageable as a result. I come to believe there is a Power greater than myself who can restore me to sane thinking about this. And because every action originates in a thought, once I turn my thinking and my behavior over to the care of God, I can actually begin to understand my alcoholic loved one. And I can put this love into action.

However, as an AA, I am uniquely qualified to help other alcoholics who are not my closest friends and family. One alcoholic helping another. It has worked for 90 years, ever since Bill showed up at Dr. Bob’s house in Akron, Ohio. It was their chance meeting that started this whole thing. When my AA friend reached her hand out to me, I knew I could help her. I can help her and not my own alcoholic.

I am so grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous for saving my life nearly 20 years ago. When I got sober June 28, 2005, AA had just celebrated 70 years. Now AA and I are growing up together. I am astonished that I am still here and working the AA program 20 years later. I am also so humbled that I need help in Al-Anon after 18 years in that fellowship. I have found that alcoholism in another person and my reaction to it is way more complex than recovering from my own alcoholism (which was damn hard, believe me).

So this newly returned friend and I are going to meetings every day, and last Sunday, she asked me to be her sponsor. We will be going over Step One on Tuesday. Thank you, God! Once again, as my friend says, You are beyond help, so go help someone else. I will carry into all of my activities today his wise words as the vision of God’s will.

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday dear AA

Happy Birthday to you.

Keep coming back—sober!