Life is not an either/or proposition

The power of "and"

I will either be happy or sad.

Work is either going well or is full of problems.

I either have good recovery or I am not working a good program.

Why is my life one constant either/or fallacy? I have limited thinking. And it is extreme. When I have problems at work, they are really bad. Problems with my family? The problems are awful and driving me nuts. Not only are my thoughts extremely negative and prone to self-pity, but they force my mind to snap shut. I don’t see any other possibilities when the negative consumes my brain.

Thank God for the sharing at meetings. At an Al-Anon meeting this morning, a member shared something so simple and yet so profound. She declared that she had forgotten the “and” with her own limited thinking.

Yesterday a teacher in my department quit their job. Just walked away. Reflecting on this teacher’s decision this morning, I was able to parallel this person’s experience with the job to my own. Like them, I also have a very difficult schedule this year. I am teaching far too many different subjects, too many overall classes, and the classes are very full, so I have a large number of students to teach. Because I really care about my craft, I am still attempting to give 100% and give these students the education they deserve, even with only one of me and so many of them. I have often drifted into hopeless and morose thinking as the job has seemed impossible. And yet I keep trudging on.

What if I framed this experience at work with the word “and”?

My job this year is often overwhelming AND I am somehow able to succeed at it.

Another area of constant agnosticism, an area in which I have not been trusting God, is with a new relationship. My boyfriend and I are on different work schedules and it is sometimes difficult to spend time together. I have had very limited and hopeless thinking with this situation as well. I often think our differing schedules will not allow us to really develop a relationship of much depth. Once again, what if I framed my relationship with the word “and”?

We have different work schedules AND still see each other in a very meaningful way on a regular basis.

Finally, a friend shared with me recently that she has struggled with her relationship with her Higher Power. This is a person who really works her butt off for her program. I see her and am so proud of the woman she has become. When she can only see herself as a person who is struggling with her relationship with God, this is what I see:

You are struggling with your relationship with your HP AND you are using all of the tools in your spiritual toolkit to stay sober.

I no longer choose to be stuck in the pattern of either/or. Today I choose to hold two conflicting thoughts in my head to reframe all of my negative and hopeless thinking, because…

I believe God is all powerful AND sometimes I struggle with my thinking.