“Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism.”
-from Tradition Three (Long Form by Bill W.)
“Each Alcoholics Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose—that of carrying its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.”
-from Tradition Five (Long Form)
Most of us have heard that the Traditions, while written with the AA and Al-Anon group in mind, can also help the individual and the home. For example, Tradition One focuses on unity within AA groups. I happen to live, for better or worse, with my adult son. Unity in our home means coming to an understanding of both of our needs in the household, not just my needs or his. It involves negotiation and compromise. Only then can we both live with a sense of peace and purpose in our home.
But I believe that there are two specific traditions—Tradition Three and Five—that can give the individual alcoholic direction and purpose as well. Tradition Three focuses on our qualification for AA membership. If I “have a desire to stop drinking” or “suffer from alcoholism,” whether I have that desire to stop drinking or not, I am an AA member. My focus is as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous who seeks recovery from the disease of alcoholism.
In Tradition Five, the focus is our singleness of purpose in AA meetings: recovery from alcoholism alone. This is why we have so many closed meetings in the community where I reside. There was a real concern that drug addicts were trying to somehow infiltrate AA to seek recovery. I realize I am being a bit sarcastic here, but I personally (which I am allowed to have an individual opinion) find that whole idea preposterous. The city where I got sober had almost all open meetings, and there are the same number of drug addicts identifying themselves as alcoholic-addicts here as there are there—closed meeting or not. But that is really beside my point here.
I have heard the following at meetings so many times, usually from newcomers but even from people who have been in the program and have collected some time:
I know I am alcoholic, but what I really need to do is:
-focus on my mental health
-quit smoking
-cut out carbs, white flour, and sugar from my diet
-get in better physical shape
-get back to church
-pay more attention to my family
-get my career back in order
-go to college
I believe Bill Wilson would refer to all of these noble pursuits as “putting the cart before the horse.” We come into AA on fire to get our lives back in order. So much has been ruined and we have real enthusiasm and motivation. And this is wonderful—after we have worked our Steps and are on solid footing in the program. But this is not what actually happens.
Newer members often decide to take on these other pursuits either with their AA program or instead of their program. This is much more dangerous territory, specifically for the newcomer. What the newcomer cannot see is that many of these goals will happen naturally as the result of working the Twelve Steps with a sponsor out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
We are so easily distractable. I have met newcomers recently who are in treatment and AA meetings because they have ruined their lives with their drinking. And almost as soon as they have been in treatment or AA for a couple of weeks or months, they get other ideas about what will make them truly well, and it is certainly not the drastic program of action the Big Book describes.
What is at the root of these distractions that take us away from “doing the work”? Simple: it’s fear. I am terrified to take the good, hard look at myself that the process requires. Therefore, my problem must be other than alcoholism. I overheard one newcomer who has constantly relapsed for years tell my friend that he is now focusing more on his mental health. I heard another young woman in treatment share with me that her real purpose is to go back to college. My heart breaks for these folks. There is a solution right in front of them if they will just hang on. A few of them will and most of them will not be willing to latch on to that possibility.
Tradition Three qualifies me for the rooms of AA. Maybe I need to qualify myself and admit that I suffer from alcoholism alone. Just for awhile maybe I can focus just on this disease and leave all other problems and affiliations out. This is certainly what I did when I first got sober and it worked. Nothing else mattered. My lack of employment, my crumbling family. My faltering membership at church. I believed what you said in meeting after meeting. If I did not focus on my recovery from the disease of alcoholism, I would have none of these things anyway.
Which brings me to Tradition Five. My personal singleness of purpose is recovery from alcoholism. That is it. Exercise will have to wait. Quitting smoking will have to wait. Getting a proper diet will have to wait. I will just have to smoke, eat garbage, and sit my ass in a chair for awhile in meetings and get recovery. I will need to work intensively with a sponsor. Everything else be damned—I must give myself this chance!