Making plans with an alcoholic loved one
March 13: With Gratitude reading
“Patience is the companion of wisdom.”
-St. Augustine
Making plans with an alcoholic was always risky business. I would look forward to an event or vacation and then the alcoholic would either be too sick to go following a binge or be gone on a runner and have disappeared to the streets. I was forever disappointed that I had to do everything on my own. I got used to this but forever felt like a victim.
Whether I was in sobriety or not, I could not count on the alcoholics I loved to suit up and show up for anything. Once their active addiction takes over, any resemblance to a normal life for us would disappear.
Eventually I did figure out there were other options. I did not need the alcoholic to be able to go out and have fun. I could always go to a meeting on a Saturday night or out with a friend. And I actually started to enjoy taking myself on dates. I had a lot of joy going out to movies by myself. I had a great deal of peace once I learned to love spending time with me. And I learned that I could be disappointed without being a martyr.
Although I am no longer in a romantic relationship with an alcoholic, I still sponsor alcoholics, and sometimes they cancel on me with little or no warning. This is especially annoying once I am already at the club and waiting for them. However, now most of the time I have the good sense to make them confirm our appointment before leaving the house. And I always take some extra reading or schoolwork to grade with me just in case.
Today’s Prayer
God, I just can’t count on the alcoholics in my life. Give me the acceptance, God, that they suffer from a disease and in that disease are very self-centered. Help me learn to take care of myself today so I can live at peace and without resentment.