I have good news about prayer and meditation. I have been practicing a daily time with God (as I understand God) for 16 years, 11 months, and this practice has changed my sober life. Everything in my life is better because of the time I spend with God in the morning. My relationships, my job, my ability to work with other alcoholics and Al-Anons, my health—all of this has continued to improve over the years because of a simple thing I do each morning.
It takes practice. I live by the slogan “Practice makes Progress”. Yes, this is slightly different than the usual “Progress not Perfection,” but for this recovering person, practice makes progress makes so much more sense. I have to take an action. I have to practice. And this practice has paid off in dividends.
A daily time with God is a discipline. In fact, in Step Eleven, Bill W. writes, “We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.” If you are an alcoholic that has a year or more sober in the program and are not doing this daily practice, it is because you are undisciplined—unwilling to practice. While God will give us the willingness, we have to show our Higher Power that we are willing to make the first move.
For me, young in sobriety at 20 months sober, I was desperate for help. I had just been fired from a job I hated and had a continuously relapsing alcoholic loved one in my life—and things were not going very well. The desperation is always convincing. I am a lazy, slothful person without it. I have little motivation unless things get really bad. And in March 2007, things got really bad, really fast. I had no money. I had a terrible relationship with an alcoholic. In fact, the very weekend after I was fired, he went back to his parents. His father gave him $200 so he could “take out” his old girlfriend who was in town.
I was scared. I had never been so scared before except when I was brand new to AA. And as a newcomer I was sheltered from the fear by the fellowship and just being so happy to be alive and having found a way out from my drinking. That was gone. I was an established AA member who had worked Steps 1-9.
I told my sponsor I wanted to work Steps 10-12. So we did out of the book. I knew after doing the Step 10 and 11 reading out of the Big Book and having done writing about it that it was time for action. I wanted to feel better.
But I still thought I had my own answer to feeling better. I would take a trip. So my son, my boyfriend, and I took a trip to see my parents in Washington state. I thought the geographic would help me with the desperation I felt and would help the alcoholic to stop doing drugs and drinking.
I was worried the entire time about my boyfriend’s using. I was insane. I didn’t have meetings. My parents were so kind to us, but I knew something was terribly wrong. I had only been in Al-Anon for about a month when this all happened.
When I got back from that trip, I was a mess. I needed help. I was still unemployed, still broke, and still with this man. I went to Al-Anon and AA meetings, talked with both of my sponsors at length on a daily basis, but I needed more. I was alone in the middle of the night and in the early morning hours with no one to talk to.
I didn’t sleep because of my constant worry about the alcoholic, so I was usually up at the crack of dawn. I tried something different. I grabbed two daily readers I had. I sat in my rocker-recliner and opened these books. I read the pages. And I sat in the quiet. I listened. I prayed. And that was the beginning. I had one Hazelden reader and one Al-Anon reader. I kept it very simple.
Don’t get me wrong, a daily time with God requires some sacrifice. I get up earlier each morning for the past 16 years so I can have this time. Throughout the years I have switched up my books, but I am always in the same chair doing the readings. Several years ago I added journalling, and that writing has really helped me gain perspective when situations seem hopeless. I have also added a playlist of music to play when I am meditating. That list has changed over the years as I hear new songs that are especially meaningful to me.
God first brought me to this practice out of desperation, but I keep practicing Step 11 because of the incredible results. I have a peace and joy even in the midst of troubling circumstances. I have serenity daily. Bill once said that once we really tried daily prayer and meditation in earnest, that most of us would never want to give it up. And he was right.
It was actually during my morning time with God that I started writing in 2021. I wrote every day from January-October of that year to complete my book, and God always gave me the words. He gave me a new story to tell each and every morning. It is incredible.
So I guess the most important aspect of my morning time with God is this: I now believe without a shadow of a doubt that God is real. God cares about me. God is with me.