“Lord, guide me in your justice because of my foes; make straight your way before me.”
-Psalms 5:9
Revenge is a double-edged sword. It not only poisons the receiver, but the giver as well. In fact, the giver has been poisoned by his or her revenge for many hours, days, and weeks, as the thought of the insult, the betrayal, the hurt replays in their minds over and over and over again.
I teach a short story by Poe titled, “The Cask of Amontillado.” The first line: “The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could; but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed my revenge.” The protagonist, a psychopath named Montresor, decides to murder a man because of an insult. The irony is that we are never told what even one of these injuries was, nor the words of the insult.
We may not be murdering people as Montresor ends up killing poor Fortunato, but our thoughts are indeed as deadly. Deep resentment builds up and we hope for the very worst for those we perceive as enemies. In the midst of such anger, we have lost our spiritual connection to the God we said we turned our will and lives over to in Step Three: the same Higher Power we decided was everything to us in Step Two. We, like Montresor, have devolved into insanity.
Awareness of our resentments is key. An inventory in writing out the harms done to us is a good start. Then we can share it with our sponsor, who will give us good direction that will get us back on the spiritual path. Only through this inventory, seeing it all on paper, will we get a realistic assessment of how this resentment is killing us (not them).
Today’s Prayer
God, save me from my anger. What would you have me be today?
The above reading is from November 19 in my book, With Gratitude: A Journey in Recovery. I pray everyone has a wonderful and chaos-free Thanksgiving. I am so thankful for you.