Right Dependence

Releasing the Juggernaut of Self-Will

“‘Yes, respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be dependent upon A.A., but in all other matters, I must still maintain my independence’…This, of course, is the process by which instinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no real account of the facts.”

-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 36 (Step Three)

Dependence really gets a bad wrap in our ultra-modern, ultra-advanced society. We not only pride ourselves on our independence and self-sufficiency, but we boast of our individualism. We no longer live well in community. So many of us, in fact, spend the bulk of our time isolated in our own homes.

And yet we are incredibly dependent. We are dependent on technology. In the forms of WiFi, home delivery, and our phones, we have become very dependent people. Within our devices, we have become quite dependent on constant scrolling, posting, and comparing our lives to others’. We have become dependent on the world out there and what is going on, giving our opinions to an ether that may or may not be listening. Without our phones, most of us could not live what we would consider normal lives.

What we think is giving us independence is oftentimes giving us only bondage. When I cannot live without something without feeling many withdrawal effects, I am addicted. Enslaved. In the end, we grow to hate this dependence and cry out for a sense of real connection. And many of us find that in the rooms of A.A.

It is such a relief to need people again—to be connected to a purpose greater than ourselves. For alcoholics, our dependency on other people, the bottle, and every circumstance the disease forced us into, did very little to give us a positive view of dependence. In fact, many of us hated the entire idea of dependence. It meant I had to rely on you, and, so often, you let me down. Our alcoholism had so infected the people around us that eventually they all turned away from us. This includes our families, our jobs, and our friends. We had complete dependence because of our constant need for liquor—we needed people to create circumstances so we could still drink but function in society. This combination just didn’t work after a certain point and people left us.

So I will never be dependent on anyone ever again. Such is my attitude when I enter A.A.

Thank God that alcoholism itself is such a bone-crushing juggernaut, as it is described in Step Three in the 12 and 12. Because the disease itself drove us to our knees, we had no choice but to come into community and be dependent on the people of Alcoholics Anonymous. And this opened the door to God.

God is where my real dependence lies. The introduction to a completely different way of life in A.A. leads to the One who has all power—the Higher Power. Because we begin to see that the people of A.A. really only want to help us, the door of willingness to belief in a Higher Power becomes possible. This willingness could not have happened any other way for most of us.

Step Three does something miraculous: it opens the door to independence like we have never known it. In it is a journey through the Steps that leads to the process of ultimate freedom. It all begins with becoming dependent on the caring folks of A.A. In them I will find that I can put my trust in an even more caring God.