September 8 A Revolutionary Change
The self-sufficiency juggernaut
Dear Reader: Every week I pick up a copy of my book of daily readings and read through what I have written two years earlier. Today as I was doing this, I noticed a real gem among these early September readings. In my actual book, Sept. 8 is titled “A Revolutionary Change" based on page 50 of the Second Edition of Alcoholics Anonymous. Originally, I used a quote from the Twelve and Twelve. When AAWS would not allow me to reprint their copyrighted material, I had to drop all but one of my Twelve and Twelve quotes from my book. Below is the original intended title and quote from this day’s reading. Enjoy and Happy Friday!
-Jamey M.
September 8 The Juggernaut
“The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off. Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose final achievement is ruin.”
-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 37
I tried to solve all of my own problems. I knew I could do it, if I just tried harder, found a new way, or convinced you to do something differently. Alcohol was my king, and Self-Sufficiency was my queen. The all-powerful “I” ruled my world. If I couldn’t do it, certainly nobody else could.
This attitude led me into absolute insanity. I was so broken when I got sober that I was both extremely angry and suicidal. I hated my life and everyone who had hurt me—hurt me by not doing it my way. My sponsor was great at really emphasizing how self-sufficiency had once dominated her life, and she saw the same thing in me.
The result of my failed self-sufficiency was more drinking. I drank at my problems so I could forget my failure to solve them. When I sobered up, my sponsor suggested that I try God-sufficiency, a new basis for my life. I could trust God instead of myself. I felt like enough of a failure at life that I was willing to give it a try—and it worked!
Today I don’t rely on myself. I rely on my Higher Power. God does for me what I cannot do for myself. Today I cooperate with his will for my life instead of trying to do it on my own. I never want to go back there. It was lonely and painful.
Today’s Prayer
God, am I trying to be self-sufficient in sobriety? Help me, Higher Power. I don’t want to do this alone any more. I need your help. Let me find your will for me today through a connection with my sponsor and my AA group.