“By and by I found that ‘getting’ depends largely on my willingness to give—to be of service to others, whether it is just pitching in to help with setting up and cleaning up at meetings, or giving comfort and reassurance to others in trouble. The same spirit of giving must take place in every department of my life, particularly with those near to me. The name of this kind of giving is love.”
-One Day at a Time in Al-Anon (June 8)
“Here we experience the kind of giving that asks no rewards. Here we begin to practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our daily lives so that we and those about us may find emotional sobriety. When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it.”
-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (Step Twelve)
Last month, I found myself showing up at an organizational meeting for a future conference in our area. This was after I had told everyone I knew that I was not going to get involved. I don’t like doing service beyond the group level and I had just been involved for well over a year at the same conference less than two years prior.
Also, I had taken on another position at the state Al-Anon conference as an AA liaison. A woman I sponsor who is deep into service asked me last summer if I would be willing to do this, and I said yes, which I normally do when she asks, because I have such admiration and respect for all that she does for Alcoholics Anonymous. I love both of my programs and always want to encourage the cooperation needed to sustain strong a relationship and mutual understanding between the two programs. Because, to be honest, I see a lot of misunderstanding and downright hostility coming from both sides—Al-Anons who don’t like A.A.’s and A.A,’s who don’t like Al-Anons. It’s ridiculous and an unfortunate acceptance for me as a dual member.
So, I was even more surprised when I raised my hand and stood for the position of co-treasurer for the conference. And within the next week, I set up a new email for our conference so that we could use it for Zelle. I signed off on a new bank account. I was diving in head-first. It was spectacular. I felt so competent. Yes, it was some work, but this is what I definitely needed.
I realized that for much of my current life and circumstances, I have felt very incompetent. Yes, work was going well, better than it has in years, but in my personal life I have felt like somewhat of a failure. While I don’t believe there is anything wrong with failing, my whole life just felt like an epic mess. Finance, romance, parenthood—nothing was going super well or according to my own little plans and designs. So service has been a relief and provided some proof that I am still the smart, intelligent girl that first entered A.A. and Al-Anon so many years ago.
Another reason I joined the second conference was because of incredible friendships I have gained by really plugging into my A.A. and Al-Anon programs during the past year and a half. So many alcoholics I knew and loved were going to be working on this conference. I knew I wanted to be with these friends who showed me nothing but love and grace even when I really hated myself for the decisions I was making in self-will. And when I showed up, guess who was sitting at the table nearest the door? My new sponsor. And my sobriety sister. My sponsor was very surprised to see me as I was her. I had made a huge point of telling her I was not getting involved with the conference. Now we will be working close together on this conference—another gift.
I’ve also experienced a ripple effect of my joining in on service. Two of my newer sponsees are also getting involved. One of these women has taken on the role of secretary at the Al-Anon conference and is doing an incredible job. I had always thought that she would shine in service, and it looks like I am right. The other will help out with the AFG conference as a whole, as she is a member of Al-Anon.
Sometimes I really just have to get out of my own way and lean into what God is directing me to do. When I do this, God always shows me something incredible. I can set aside my own feelings of inadequacy in the other areas of my life and experience this incredible gift of service. May we all go forth in this kind of love—the love that expects nothing in return and has no price tag.