Spiritual bankruptcy

I would not jump. I went back to the bar.

“Abruptly in October 1929 hell broke loose on the New York stock exchange. After one of those days of inferno, I wobbled from a hotel bar to a brokerage office. It was eight o’clock—five hours after the market closed. The ticker still clattered. I was staring at an inch of the tape which bore the inscription XYZ-32. It had been 52 that morning. I was finished and so were many friends. The papers reported men jumping to death from the towers of High Finance. That disgusted me. I would not jump. I went back to the bar.”

-”Bill’s Story” Alcoholics Anonymous, 2nd Edition, p. 4

Lately the news has been all about the massive reduction of Americans’ stock portfolios. It is being reported that many near or at retirement age are considering working a few more years just to be certain they have enough cash for their golden years.

As usually happens, when I hear a topic that seemingly has nothing to do with Alcoholics Anonymous or our Big Book, I find a connection—a connection that relates directly to sobriety.

The connection arose this time about AA’s co-founder, the beloved Bill Wilson. “Bill’s Story,” Chapter 1 of the Big Book, provides the book’s first full story of what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now. It’s no mistake that “Bill’s Story” directly follows “The Doctor’s Opinion,” which describes the dual nature of the disease of alcoholism: a mental obsession and a physical allergy.

And a spiritual bankruptcy. I am sure that even the fine folks in my primary program (I am also a member of the Alanon Family Groups) are among those who are worried about their money and retirement. We are a good cross-section of typical America. Our trust in God can go right out the window when financial fear creeps in.

But what is different for alcoholics is not the financial bankruptcy that may leave us penniless, but is instead the spiritual bankruptcy that will leave us drunk.

Bill W’s solution to the financial crisis of 1929, one that would lead to a decade-long economic depression, was simple: keep on drinking. He looked down on the poor schleps who were jumping to their deaths. No! He would go back to the bar. And yet, only two pages later, Bill himself admits that alcohol had him beat. He admits that the market had “gone to hell again. Well, so had I. The market would recover, but I wouldn’t” (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 6) He then contemplates killing himself. Yes, two pages after he sneered at the men jumping from financial towers, Bill considers ending it all.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease that destroys everything good in life. Usually it happens after more than two pages, but the progression is real. And the spiritual bankruptcy is more damning and daunting than any financial bankruptcy. Remember, the markets would recover, but Bill would not.

I think it takes an awful beating and a whole lot of suffering before alcoholics get this and really commit to the change required for sobriety and recovery. I am grateful that just a couple of pages later and after many vain attempts, Bill met Ebby, who sat down with him and explained how he got sober. Then Bill could get sober too. And so could you. And so could I. And so will the next suffering alkie.