Stopping isn't the problem...it's staying stopped

A dry January

“We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.”

-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 30

I had honestly never heard of a “Dry January” until this year, when someone close to me decided to stop drinking in January. This person’s goal: better health. As I have been in AA for quite awhile, most of the people around me are already sober or are Al-Anon friends who are not problem drinkers. I guess in my little cocoon I had just never heard of this concept.

At first I wanted to scoff—if you are stopping ONLY for January, what is the point? For better health, you say? How much of an impact can 31 days have on overall health, especially when you go from a period of absolute abstinence to a period of drinking? That can’t have an overall positive effect on health.

And what about the ego? The self-sufficiency? There seems to be a lot of pride around the goal of not drinking for a month. See? I can stop! Look at me! I have made my goal and therefore do not have a problem.

Or do I? My experience with stopping is simple. I could stop, and I stopped many times before getting sober in AA. The problem was not stopping. The problem was staying stopped. I suffer from a two-fold disease, or illness if you prefer. My illness has a physical allergy and a mental obsession. Once I stop, my mind starts going. It tells me that “I wasn’t really that bad,” and that I was “doing very well in other ways,” or that “I could just drink one or two and then stop.” The problem was that my mind was like a terrorist: until I picked up a drink at my usual time after work, it harassed me non-stop with these ideas. I really had no power over picking up the first drink, even though my ego was telling me I had it all under control.

And eventually I would pick up the drink. And then I would ignite the physical allergy. My body is different than yours. I am as allergic to alcohol as I am to cats. And then I had terrible consequences. My behavior toward my family was cruel and sometimes abusive. I was out of control at work, eventually losing my employment. Yes, these things happened gradually over several years, but at the end it was awful. And the entire time I blamed others and my circumstances—and never my drinking.

Yes, there is a difference between a problem drinker and an alcoholic. A problem drinker may have some health, family, legal, or employment consequences that encourage them to stop. But when they stop, they can often stay stopped and life gets better. There are a lot of these “hard drinkers” who come to AA meetings. But for real alcoholics, putting the bottle down initially makes things much worse. Our disease goes much deeper—-and we quite literally can’t stay stopped without help. And without the help we eventually pick up again. There is no choice.

So, my hat is off to those taking a Dry January. I hope it has given you a real opportunity to look at your drinking. This awareness is powerful. And if you struggle in February, AA is here to help.