Suggesting not Controlling
September 3 With Gratitude
“Carry the message—not the mess.”
-heard at a meeting
Sometimes we want the alcoholic to get sober so much that we start controlling. This happens a sometimes with AA sponsorship—both the women and the men. Somehow we think we can save this alcoholic—if she would only listen. We forget Step One in Al-Anon. We are powerless over alcohol. Yes, we are truly powerless over another person’s alcoholism.
A good yardstick I use is counting how many times I have made the same suggestion with a sponsee. If I say it once, it’s a suggestion. If I say it more than once, then I am probably trying to control. Does this mean I only tell a sponsee once to go to meetings or to work on her inventory? No. But I do check myself and remember that I have now said it twice—and no more. The alcoholic has to have the willingness herself to do these things.
The illusion of control is very powerful—and very tempting. It is a tool in the toolkit of the disease of alcoholism. It gives us a false sense that we have some influence—that we are really in charge. We are not. In my experience, I know that alcoholism is an impossible foe. I lack the needed power to cure another person’s alcoholism. This can only be done by God, with the alcoholic’s total cooperation.
Today’s Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that is me.