Suit up and show up...for your friends

I found a new host of friends in AA--and a couple of friendships outside AA that have lasted a sober lifetime.

In AA I found a new host of friends. They were my rock and anchor my first months in sobriety. And then I got a job in a Catholic high school—my dream job really. Before AA, I had always wanted to work at this particular school, and now, here I was.

I made two amazing best friends at this school. We used to smoke outside in the now-abolished smoking area. And we would talk, rejoicing about little successes with the kids, and more often commiserate about the ridiculousness of their vagaries and machinations. One friend was a counselor, the other a fellow English teacher. We were there for each other in a way that reminded me of those precious friendships in high school. In fact, we even got dolled up and went to prom together twice. We made sure to get our picture taken just like the kids did. These photos have always been precious to me.

It has been a decade and a half since the three of us were together. My teacher friend moved to Ohio, where she became a college prof. My counselor friend is now a college advisor in Dallas.

And I have moved away as well. I now live in the Chicago area. In the past five years, I have made many new friends in both AA and Al-Anon. But I still have those two friends. And it has been a blessing to maintain those two friendships over the years. One of the things I was most excited about when moving to Illinois is that I could drive to Ohio to see my professor friend. I do this once a year. In fact, I had to drive through a horrible snow storm last spring break returning from her home. That’s the Midwest!

My advisor friend I have visited twice, and she visited me this summer. I actually turned a storage/office into a guest room just for her arrival. Now I have pictures of her visit displayed in that room as a testament to the value of our time together.

Now, you may be querying, just what exactly does this have to do with AA recovery? Answer: Everything. In the past, when friends were no longer close by, I just let those friendships go. They died of neglect. As a sober woman who is single, I truly understand that these friendships are precious and need to be maintained, no matter my or those friends’ current circumstances.

This has meant many, many phone calls over the past 15 years. Reaching out. Reaching out again. My friends deserve this from me. They deserve as much time as I would give a newcomer who never stays sober. At the very least. And, just as in sponsorship, I get so much more than I put into it. I get and give a meaningful relationship that will last a lifetime—as long as I keep suiting up and showing up.