Taking myself too seriously
I am my own worst critic
“The cover read: ‘Middletown Group #1. Rule #62…Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”
-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 189
I am my own worst critic. I take myself so seriously at times that it is hard to make mistakes. This is perfectionism once again rearing its ugly head. Perfectionism is a character defect based in false pride. For when I am striving for perfectionism, I certainly do not need God in my life.
I have to be perfect at work, I have to be the perfect housekeeper at home, I have to be the perfect sponsor, I have to be the perfect sponsee, I have to be the perfect mom, I have to be the perfect AA. The list is endless and exhausting.
Swearing at myself and hating myself for making a mistake is an indicator of this character defect. I rarely give myself a chance to be human. I heard an Al-Anon speaker share once about her childhood: I had to be perfect or I was nothing. At first when we hear those words, we think: “I’m not that bad. I don’t think that way about myself.” But then, ask yourself: When was the last time you called yourself “stupid” or “an idiot.”? We only do this because we are measuring ourselves against some impossible standard.
God wants to be an active agent in our recovery. He wants us to need him—to depend on him. When I make a mistake, instead of swearing at myself, I can take it to my Higher Power and express my frustration to him. I then feel this incredible weight lifted off my shoulders—I am not expected to be perfect. God is perfect, and that is good enough for me.
Today’s Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to be imperfect. Give me the courage to ask you for help when I am making mistakes. Then give me your peace to accept that I am an imperfect human and that’s okay.
Hello and Good morning to all of my readers. The above reading is from my book of daily meditations, With Gratitude (August 29). What I wrote above over two years ago is still a real and persistent problem. I have noticed lately that I am once again calling myself names such as “stupid” and “dumbass”. Once again I will remember to rely on God and try not to achieve some impossible standard in my incredible busyness. Awareness is powerful and must precede any acceptance or action. I pray that God will bless you all this week. -Jamey