The God of Money, The God of Sex

Chasing a false solution

“When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable thing followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.”

-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 63 (Step Three)

In the tragedy of Macbeth, the title character is deceived by the promises of three witches. They predict his future and Macbeth is enamored by their prophecy. The predictions consist of Macbeth moving up in status, ultimately becoming King of Scotland. Now, as it turns out in many stories like this, evil is very appealing. This is especially true when the first prediction happens almost immediately and Macbeth is given a promotion in the very next scene.

But poor Macbeth falls victim to evil when, instead of waiting for the next prediction to come true, that he will become king, he decides to take matters into his own hands. With the not-so-subtle encouragement of his wife, he kills the king so he can be the king. I believe we call this self-will run riot.

As with most evil enticements, the witches manipulated and lied to Macbeth. Their only goal was that Macbeth do the devil’s bidding: that he commits murder, which he does over and over in the play. Evil has a way of perpetuating itself. Once we sin, it is so very easy to keep sinning. Or if you prefer—once we start defying our program and turn back to our old behaviors, it is so much easier to keep practicing our old ways.

It’s a horrible trap. And it’s extremely dangerous to our sobriety. If I honestly believe that the old ways, which never worked in my favor before, will actually work for me now, then I have fallen once again into the delusional lie. And as soon as I fall into the delusion and unknowingly keep making this choice over and over, before too long any recovery is hard to find.

In my experience, men have often fallen into the trap of making more and more money. Women have fallen into the trap that romance will save them. However, nowadays, I have witnessed both of these traps in both sexes. Men have believed that the right woman will give them exactly the life they want, and women believe that more money and success at work is the answer.

We may get a taste of success at either of these—and then we are on our way. Evil perpetuates evil. Sin perpetuates sin. As Bill Wilson would say, this is an example of our instincts out of their normal proportion. We cry for more and more money. We cry for more and more sex. And it is way more of a problem than being out of balance.

Once I believe the delusional lie that the god of money or the god of sex will save me, I have no desire to practice the AA program. I have found my answer! And when this answer proves to be a false god, we are left with nothing—not even a program. Because let’s be honest—we gave up the program when we really believed these false gods were the answer. And with all human strivings, these things will always let us down in the end.

Now, it’s not that I think any one of us is going to commit murder, although I do know one alcoholic back home who did over a relationship, the real problem is that we are going to drink again. That’s right—if my ego gets too big, disallowing me from crawling back to AA, then I will definitely drink again.

But there is a way out. For me, when the god of sex failed me recently, I got really honest with my sponsor. I kept going to a lot of meetings and was also honest with some people whom I trusted. I felt an accountability talking to these trusted friends. And now I have no desire to keep perpetuating the illusion. It took some serious humility and ego deflation, but it did in fact work. I was saved by self-honesty and now possess the willingness to make amends. I pray, I journal, I meditate and listen. I come closer to a loving God who has promised His care and protection.

While love and money are good, I am reminded that oftentimes the good is the enemy of the best. This is true for me and for the people I love. While love and sex are good, God is greater. While success and money are also good, God is even greater still. Today I am viewing sex and money through my Higher Power’s vantage point. Thy will, not mine, be done.

I chose the quote above from the Big Book because it offers so much hope. I love that I can solve any problem sober with God’s help—and this is the God who works all things for my good—not a false god who just wants me to die of alcoholism.