The parable of the two debtors
Who will love him more?
“Jesus said to him…'Two people were in debt to a certain creditor; one owed five hundred days’ wages and the other owed fifty. Since they were unable to repay the debt, he forgave it for both. Which of them will love him more?’”
-Luke 7:41-42
It was Valentine’s Day of this year, 2023. I stood in the front of my classroom. We had just watched a “video prayer”—a music video about God—about God and love. I had a message for my students, teenagers who struggle daily with loving themselves and accepting themselves just as they are. My message was simple: “God loves you. He loves you just as you are in this very moment. If you remember nothing else this year, I want you to remember this. God loves you more than you can ever imagine.”
There is a whole story about how I ended up at this Catholic school. That was not my big plan when I moved back to the Midwest. I wanted out of Catholic education. I wanted to make “real money” at the public schools. God had other ideas. He closed those doors and opened the door so wide to some different Catholic schools. And who am I to say there is no God? No, not this recovering alkie. God made it so clear that this is where I belonged. And here I was 6 years later. After Covid and many struggles at my school. And God made it so clear to me: they need to know. No one tells them how much they are loved. They don’t feel it in their hearts. They only know what the world teaches: strife, division, material success. And they crave the truth. Give them the truth that you know from your own experience with me: I loved you when you hated yourself. And I love them just as much.
I have had a lot of losses due to my alcoholism. And this has been a good thing when it came to my willingness to recover. When Jesus says to Peter in the Gospel: Who will love him more? I get that. I am so grateful to God for absolutely forgiving me for all of my wrongs. All of the damage done. I have been restored to sanity and can now share this message of hope: no matter how far down the scale you have gone, God loves you. It is that simple.
Of course I had to get unblocked so I could start to sense God’s presence in my everyday life, but it worked. With every one of the 12 Steps completed with my sponsor, I felt more near to my Higher Power. It worked absolutely. Every promise in the Big Book has come true for me. I have a peace and assurance that I never had when I was living by self-propulsion. God is the Director. I stay close to him and try to perform his work well. And when I feel that inspiration to say something to those kids, I don’t doubt it—I just do it.
And today life is not about God loving me as much as my loving him. Yes, I certainly pray and thank God directly for the life I lead today: a life of dignity and value. But the real way I show my love for God is by helping you. Helping others and being useful to them is what this thing we call “sobriety” is all about.
After all, I owed 500 days’ wages and he forgave them all.
A blessed Holy Week and a very joyous Easter to everyone, regardless of your faith practice. He loves you—he really does!
Excellent story. I especially like the awareness about how sinking low increased your motivation to live the program. That being down low gets converted into an asset.
And yet, I have two suggestions about this quote "with every one of the 12 Steps completed with my sponsor, I felt more near to my Higher Power. " First, I am hesitant to 'sell' step work and sponsorship. In my experience, people learn all they need to know about the steps at meetings. And, I feel that 'getting a sponsor' is a misnomer. No one, I feel, should worry about or ask anyone to sponsor them. You'll have your sponsor eventually. It just comes. Through the fellowship. No worries. It'll happen when it happens.
Also, 'more near' is written 'nearly'.