“If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.”
-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 58
I think one of the reasons so many AA members—both men and women—shy away from sponsorship is because it is hard when newcomers (and even people with time) refuse to follow even simple suggestions. We get resentful at these sponsees, and many of us just give up. It doesn’t seem to be worth it.
However, those of us who are committed to the Twelfth Step of the AA program have found simple ways that work well for us. I like to use the sentence from “How It Works” that I call The Proposition. It is an easy way to check a sponsee’s willingness and works no matter what the situation is. The first part of the proposition is that the sponsee has to decide that he or she wants what we have. I certainly don’t want what the sponsee has, so it is not a two-way street. If they answer in the affirmative, then we look at the next part of the proposition: “and are willing to go to any lengths to get it.” This is the part I always come back to with the women I sponsor. Are you willing to follow simple instructions—that is what going to any length means. If I ask you to call me every day, then I expect you to go to this length for your own sobriety. If I ask you to attend meetings, then I expect you to go to this length. If I ask you to write an inventory—same thing.
The truth is that many, if not most, sponsees get caught up on this second part of the proposition. They are not willing to do the simple tasks we require of them. The point is that many sponsees are not going to actually be ready to do the third part of the proposition of taking the steps when they can’t even follow simple directions.
Today’s Prayer
God, please help me with sponsorship. This sponsee is really frustrating me. Help me to practice “Easy Does It” and remember my role as sponsor is different than their role as sponsee.
With 20 months sober, I haven't been asked to sponsor anyone. Right now I would be scared to say yes. My sobriety is stable but the terrible 2's are a real thing and I'm still learning to live and manage life as a sober person. I love being sober but losing my crutch has been hard when I'm going through stuff.