The Value of Change

Defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster

“God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

“We treasure our ‘Serenity Prayer’ because it brings a new light to us that can dissipate our oldtime and nearly fatal habit of fooling ourselves.

“In the radiance of this prayer we see that defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster. We now know that we do not have to run away, nor ought we again try to overcome adversity by still another bulldozing power drive that can only push up obstacles before us faster than they can be taken down.”

-Bill W. (As Bill Sees It p. 20)

There is so much beauty in change. There is so much pain in change. The real question is: can I accept them both today? Or will I resist the change that is coming? Because I guarantee you—it is coming, whether we accept it or resist.

In the midst of the pain I have experienced in this season of change, God has provided me an incredible joy in the change of the actual season of spring. I have always looked forward to spring. I have daffodils and tulips planted. I grow seeds indoors and am then so excited to plant them in my garden and see if any of them grow. I love the warm days and the rainy days. So much change.

But this spring something else quite miraculous has happened. I have noticed subtle changes each day. I have noticed little by little how the trees have changed from bare branches to buds to flowers to light green and then filling in to the bright green of summer. I have noticed all of the different flower varieties as they have arrived. First all of the different varieties of daffodils, then the different brilliant colors of tulips. Then all of the flowering trees, and now the lilacs and the beautiful irises.

I have noticed the sun as it comes up earlier and earlier. This morning I opened my bedroom curtain at five a.m. and it was already light out. I could see my beautiful backyard. Most of the year it is so dark when I awaken. I notice the different times of the sunrise and the sunset. This subtle change has inspired me. It has given me a sense of hope in a season of loss and grieving.

I have always experienced change as something negative—something bad. An intense fear of change is one of the effects of alcoholism on my life. This fear makes me hold on to an illusion so I never have to face the truth of the change. Bill speaks of the bulldozing power drive—that is the attempt to control that never works.

My sponsor reminds me that change means growth. But I don’t want to grow. Instead I want everything to stay the same, even though it may not be in my best interest. The same-old is comfortable and familiar. The same-old gives me the consistency I so lacked in my childhood and adult years before I got sober. The same-old provides me the illusion of security. I do not want to lose these things.

And I don’t want to experience pain—bottom line. I don’t want the nasty feelings of anger, sadness, betrayal, bitterness, hurt that I know are coming with the pain. I can experience these negative feelings for months as the changes keep coming. Once and awhile I come up for air and therefore do not completely drown in suffering, but the truth is that I have suffered. No proper number of positive affirmations or an ego-induced recitation that I am FINE can cover or replace this simple truth. This is why I dread losing people. I know how I am going to react.

And react it is. I do not respond. There is no conscious choice. I am a victim and a martyr and a morass of self-pity in my distress.

So, in the midst of this, when God gave me his vision of beauty in the change of season from Winter to Spring, I saw hope. I hung onto the hope that I was going to get through my season of change.

God threw something else very important my way: willingness. After another crying phone call to my sponsor, she had simply had enough. She gently insisted that I do step work with her. This has turned into a stepped-up Al-Anon program including that step work, daily meetings, and the opportunity to work with a few newcomers that I am blessed to sponsor. And once again I am experiencing change, but this time it is a positive and joyous change—a change filled with hope in my today.