“Therefore, we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit.”
-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 79
The Big Book is clear on amends: we are not to make amends that will hurt someone else. However, well-meaning alcoholics often make these kinds of amends to clear their own conscience. I have been on the receiving end of this kind of amends in sobriety and it really hurts. The person who made the amends probably feels some relief, but what about the person who now has this new hurtful information?
Some of the best lessons I have had in sobriety are from teachers who teach me what not to do. Having this part of the Big Book come alive to me created such a clear moment of what another must feel when the alcoholic is trying to save his own skin at the expense of another. Let me reassure you that it stings even more than his or her drinking.
When I am working with a sponsee, I am very careful to help them with the 8th Step list. I am very specific how amends are to be made and to follow the instructions in the Big Book. In this way, the loved ones of the alcoholic can be protected from the harm and betrayal that could be the result of such an amends.
Today’s Prayer
God, if I am thinking about making an amends to someone, give me the wisdom to check with my sponsor first.
Hello readers and Happy April! Since January 2024 I have set a goal to sell at least one book per month and have happily met that goal because of you. I pray that you get something out of these readings and out of my new weekly posts as well. I know I certainly do by writing them and re-reading from my book (I completed those writings Jan-Oct. 2021). Enjoy the new life of Spring and keep God and the Program close. -Jamey M.
Thanks!