THINK: When to keep my mouth shut

April 22 With Gratitude

“Thought is the fountain of speech.”

  -Chryssipus

One of the greatest tools I learned from my sponsor is THINK.  Before I say anything to someone, I should determine if it is Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind.  If what I am going to say does not meet all five of these qualifications, I should probably just keep my mouth shut.

I am very prone to gossip.  Gossip can be very destructive as we character-bash people that we both like and disklike.  If I think before I speak, I will usually find that even if what I am going to say is honest, it is usually not necessary or intelligent.  Most gossip is not thoughtful and it is certainly not kind.  I used to have some warped idea that if what I was saying was honest, then it was okay.  Once again I am forced to check my motives to see just why I need to say such things that are better left unsaid.

I heard a speaker once refer to talking behind one’s back as “scum-bagging.”  That is the perfect description for what we do to the character of others both in and out of the program when we fail to THINK it through.  Now I have realized that about 90% of the things I once thought I needed to say are words that no longer come out of my mouth.  If I am compelled to talk about such things, an anonymous conversation with my sponsor is the way to go.

Today’s Prayer

God, I have been scum-bagging people.  I know this is wrong and I need to make amends for this behavior.  Help me to see the dignity in these people I have spoken so poorly and carelessly about, Higher Power.  Help me to THINK.

This is the April 22 reading from my book of AA and Al-Anon meditations, With Gratitude: A Journey in Recovery. I learned THINK from my first Al-Anon sponsor, Renee. We often say that there is no original thought in the programs—we simply learn from the greats. And Renee was one of the greats. She passed away December 22, 2013. I owe so much to her for helping me build a strong foundation in Al-Anon. My book is dedicated to her and to my AA sponsor, Barrie, who just celebrated 50 years sober in the AA program. So much power in sponsorship—thank you to you both.