Those strange mental blank spots

I do not make a choice to drink again.

”Chapter 3: More About Alcoholism” is an integral part of my First Step work. In this chapter I am presented with many great examples of just what exactly will lead me into picking up that first drink. Fred is one of the examples given. Let him tell the story:
”I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come—I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that willpower and self-knowledge would never help in those strange mental blank spots.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 2nd Edition, p. 53).

This information about self-knowledge is great for the newcomer. In fact, it is a part of every newcomer’s First Step work in my sponsorship. However, I believe this story also speaks to those of us with time in the program. I see it all the time: people quit going to meetings, quit practicing the disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. If I stop doing the things that worked for me in those earlier years of sobriety, I may very well pick up a drink again. Am I really willing to take that chance? Are you, sober alcoholic reading this post?

This is why we alcoholics look completely insane to the outside world. We give our families that joy of initial recovery, where they can once again count on us on a daily basis to do the things that will keep us sober. And then slowly, sometimes after a year of sobriety, and more often after a few years of sobriety, we stop sponsoring so much, we stop going to our regular meetings, we stop doing an evening review or morning prayer and meditation. We are physically sober—but we let go of the spiritual side of the program that we learned early on.

This is my definition of insanity: find what works and stop doing it.

The book says that Fred finally realized that willpower and self-knowledge would NEVER help in those strange mental blank spots. Knowing about my alcoholism, understanding it will not save me from that first drink. And once I take that first drink, when the obsession comes back and ignites the physical allergy, all bets are off. I may never come back to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I have no power over whether I drink again. Only the God I will begin to learn about in Step Two will give me that power. May I find him now.