Unacceptable Behavior

With Gratitude February 12

“I no longer have to accept unacceptable behavior.”

                             -heard at a meeting

It was very devastating being yelled at and called names by the alcoholics in my life.  I accepted the verbal abuse because I felt I deserved it.  I didn’t think I was a very worthwhile person.  Even though I knew the treatment was wrong, I stayed in these relationships because I couldn’t bear to be on my own. 

In its own way, this need to stay and not wanting to be alone was accepting unacceptable behavior from myself.  I got a payoff out of staying in these relationships—a sick kind of security that I was worthy of love.  I am so grateful to both programs and the steps that I no longer have to be in a relationship with any other person to feel whole and loved just as I am.  I am so loved by God today that all other relationships are just extra benefits of that primary relationship with the God of my understanding.

In this way it is easier for me to leave or detach from unhealthy relationships—with family members, friends, sponsees, colleagues, and even a sponsor.  I am at peace with myself today. It was really an inside job all along.  Nobody had to change but me.  My attitudes about who I am and how I deserve to be treated were the key.

Today’s Prayer

God, I know the steps can help me with my relationships with others in a profound way.  Help me be willing to hold up a troubling relationship today in light of the steps.  Give me the strength to call my sponsor and ask for help.  Then let me do the work.  I want to be at peace with myself.   

This is the February 12 reading from my book of daily meditations, With Gratitude: A Journey in Recovery. To subscribers outside the U.S.: My book is only copyrighted and available in the United States, so if you would like a book, message me and I will be happy to send you a copy.

I wish everyone a wonderful week, including a beautiful Valentine’s Day (and a reflective Ash Wednesday, which is strangely the same day). Peace be with all of us in our Higher Power’s care this week.