“And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support.”
-Bill W. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 97)
And he said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend to whom he goes at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey and I have nothing to offer him,’ and he says in reply from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been locked and my children and I are already in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.’ I tell you, if he does not get up to give him the loaves because of their friendship, he will get up to give him whatever he needs because of his persistence.
-Luke 11:5-8
This is the truth: sometimes I feel so darn negative, hopeless, angry, and self-pitying that I don’t want to take it to God. I feel shame about having some of these feelings and feel I should be further along. I shouldn’t have to take it to God but should just be able to figure it out for myself. This is my first thought.
Luckily, my first thought rarely informs my actions today. These are the times I definitely need to pray. I need my Higher Power. I don’t want to live on my own self-sufficiency. I want God-sufficiency.
So in spite of my head, I talk to God. I give him all of the garbage: my fear of not recovering fast enough after surgery. My worry over big expensive car and house repairs. My grave concern over others’ health problems. It is almost always the same old story and I get tired of praying about it. I just want the problems to be solved and over.
But that is not how God works. God needs me to come to him. Over and over—with persistence in my prayer. He wants me to recognize that I am not supposed to handle all of this on my own power. He is the Higher Power—I am the lesser power.
I really love how the parable from Luke teaches me about my own persistence in prayer. The friend who refused to open the door will open the door if his neighbor never stops knocking. It may come down to persistence over friendship. I have my friendship with God—but he also wants my persistence in prayer. He wants to teach me about trusting the source of all power. It is the same power that got me sober and out of destructive living. It can and will work in all areas of my life if I am just willing to grow.
And so it is about humility. Understanding my rightful place in this incredible relationship. He is God. He can help me. I need to humble myself enough to ask for and receive his help. And then I need to sit still and trust. Wait. Remember that my forcing solutions and living by self-propulsion got me into a lot of trouble. Be okay in the uncomfortability.
God, today I give you my pain and worry. I give you my uncertainty. Please help me to trust in you and to wait patiently for what you have to show me. Amen.
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