“My life is unmanageable by me.”
-heard at a meeting
Powerlessness over alcohol was only one of my problems. My life was incredibly unmanageable both before and after I quit drinking. I was by no means a functioning alcoholic. It wasn’t enough that I lost two jobs in the last 6 months of my drinking, but I also had massive credit card bills, got in several small car accidents, would forget to pay my rent, and ignored traffic tickets that almost became bench warrants because I didn’t want to get my mail. My life was a disaster.
The sad fact is that many of these things occurred after I came into AA. My unmanageability did not disappear once I got sober. Actually, my mom flew out to see me when I was about 40 days sober. On that very same day, I had a small car accident on an exit ramp. My front bumper, which was almost falling off, went flying into the shoulder of the road. My mother was astonished by how disorganized my life had become. My apartment was a wreck and I seemed fairly crazy. I definitely was—after all, my medicine, alcohol, had been removed from me.
I am happy to say that the next time my mom saw me for New Year’s, I was in much better shape. I had 6 months sobriety and had completed my 4th Step inventory. I was very involved in AA and my mind cleared up. My period of unmanageability in early sobriety convinces me of my alcoholism.
Today’s Prayer
God, I am convinced I am an alcoholic. Let me remember the examples of my unmanageability both when drinking and when a newcomer. Help, me, Higher Power, to guard against a relapse as I remember my past experiences through the lens of a sober woman.
Thank you for this. I've been sober 21 months and am finding the "terrible 2's" to be a real thing. Not having that monthly chip to work towards and the positives I felt physically has worn off and now I'm actually having to sit with my emotions and it hasn't been fun. I've built an amazing network of women who are helping me feel less unmanageable and more importantly, stay sober.