When an alcoholic explodes in anger
My response needs to change
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
-Proverbs 15:1
When an alcoholic explodes in anger, what do we do to take care of ourselves? There is often no easy answer. Understanding the disease of alcoholism, we know that we are dealing with a very sick person, and we work to have compassion. And we also need to have compassion for ourselves. While an alcoholic is on a rampage, I usually try to not engage. There is no point in engaging. It will usually cause more damage and gets us nowhere. This is true whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.
Taking care of myself has become more important than being right. I know I am never going to be able to change an alcoholic, no matter how much I wish he or she will change. But I also do not need to bear the consequences for the alcoholic’s behavior. I am not responsible for the alcoholic’s anger, and I never have been. This is regardless of what the alcoholic may say. Part of taking care of myself is realizing what belongs to me and what belongs to the alcoholic. His or her behavior belongs to him or her alone. My response and keeping my side of the street clean belongs to me.
Alcoholics act and we react. This is a fundamental idea of Al-Anon. A common thread of both AA and Al-Anon recovery is that we ALL deal with alcoholics, usually on a daily basis. When I can see the person sitting across from me as merely showing symptoms of his or her disease, I have a much better chance of disengaging. Then compassion really has a chance.
Today’s Prayer
God, I have been experiencing the anger of an alcoholic in my life. I sometimes feel like I don’t know what to do. I pray you will be with me when things get tough, and that you will take care of me when I am unsure of myself.
This is the October 10 reading from my book, With Gratitude: A Journey in Recovery. There are 366 readings in the book and perfect for morning time of prayer and meditation for AA’s and Al-Anon’s, and all persons searching for a better way of living through recovery. It is not just a book of general experience, but is highly autobiographical of what it was like for me to get and stay sober as well as to recognize my need for the Al-Anon program and my ESH in that program.