Where is the love in my judgment?

I told you so is not a spiritual practice.

“Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people’s shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.”

-Alcoholics Anonymous p. 19-20

My adult son will be 27 later this month, and we live together by necessity. Last week, he lost his wallet. I was busy in the kitchen as he looked for it for a good twenty minutes. I didn’t comment, I didn’t help—I kept doing what I was doing.

But in my mind, I was judging him. I wanted so badly to tell him that this is why he needed to keep his wallet in one dedicated spot. I wanted to show him how right I had been all along. That he was highly disorganized and it once again caught up with him. And I said none of it. And this is progress.

But something else happened to me. I started really looking at my thoughts. I realized just how uncharitable I was being towards him. There was no love behind these judgments. Just terrible scorn. I had no compassion. I don’t think I have ever had this much awareness at the moment of my judgment. I could see it as it happened.

I took an action. I asked God for help. I asked God to show me compassion for this person who was in trouble. I asked God to help him find his wallet quickly. I then walked up to my son and asked him if I could help him look. He said yes, he would appreciate that. We found the wallet within sixty seconds.

There are a couple of lessons here. The first: ask and it shall be given. I spend a lot of time with my Higher Power and we have a good relationship. As I type this now it is morning and I have just completed a walk with the dog, in which I actively prayed to God in the quiet of the early Sunday morning. And then I did my set list of readings and meditated on those words. And now I am typing this piece. I have to work for it, but I enjoy my daily conscious contact with God.

The second lesson is no less a miracle to me. God helped me see my shortcomings when it came to my son at the moment it was happening. He made me so aware of my lack of compassion for someone I proclaim to love. I certainly wasn’t loving in that moment. And that is okay. What God is really doing here is giving me a chance to see it and to grow from it. And all growth is good. I cannot possibly change a behavior until I see it for myself. I believe that this second lesson is the more powerful.

God has given me many opportunities for humility. When my ego builds up, something happens and here we go again. But today I don’t experience humiliation in my humility. My Higher Power is just reminding me of my rightful position in our relationship. I am human and God is God. And the more willing I am to really take that in, the more joy and peace I experience.