With gratitude--to the students

What a gift humility has been

“Nearly all A.A.’s have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven’t much chance of becoming truly happy.”

-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p. 46

I was a power driver in my profession as a teacher. I always had to be on top—the best. I wanted recognition and praise from all. I especially wanted things to go my way, which I always assumed was the best way. I had constant conflict at work. I had no humility.

I am a woman with a career. Of course this is very common today. Since I began teaching almost 30 years ago, I have always cared about my profession. And I definitely put that profession before most things in my life—friends, family, recreation, spirituality—none of it really mattered while there was work to be done.

Work! Work! Work! I worked so much that I lost who I truly was. I became, as my former sponsor Renee, a tremendous Al-Anon, used to say, a human doing instead of a human being. I was obsessed with work and money. And why? Because I never wanted to take a good hard look at myself. At my drinking. At the problems in my family. At my failed relationships. At my complete hopelessness and depression. Working was a cover for a miserable life I was not proud of.

The hope for me came with strong sponsorship in AA. My sponsor recognized my obsession with work as we completed my step work. I did not want to deal with my feelings, and working myself to exhaustion helped me deny those powerful emotions.

So, what is my work life like now? Well, the difference is that I actually do have a life. I have a wonderful life that is about focusing on myself and my recovery. Work is fine, but it is just a job. I love my job, but I love my life today more. Because I love myself more. I enjoy my weekends and vacations. I enjoy my evenings with reading, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Perhaps many people found this freedom during Covid. I was lucky to find mine 15 years earlier—and it has been a discipline to maintain this gift.

Which brings me to gratitude. Last weekend I was on Facebook and noticed that all of the students I had at my first year at my current teaching job have graduated college. And I was a part of that. When I moved back to the Midwest 6 years ago, I took a huge gamble. I had no job, but I knew I wanted to be closer to my family. I gave up a really good job in the Southwest to make the big move. And, by doing so, I taught 2 classes of juniors in both American Literature and AP Language and Composition.

Their college graduation fills me with joy and humility. I have joy for them and the wonderful people they are—people who really care about God, family, and the world around them; and I have a different joy—a joy for myself that I took a chance and made this move, therefore making a small difference. And it is just a small difference. I don’t need anything more than that today.

My recovery in both AA and Al-Anon have given me enough humility to see an entire world of people around me. And some of those people were once in my class. Thank you, God, AA, and Al-Anon.